It's Always the Pain That Knocks You
by The Red Cheese Is Wax
Summary: Willow introduces her new friend to the gang. WO WT Complete!
1. Default Chapter

TITLE: It's Always the Pain That Knocks You  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
SUMMARY: Willow introduces her new friend to the rest of the Scoobies. They don't all get on as well as she had hoped.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Characters do not belong to me, they belong to Joss Whedon and co. Just borrowing them for my own sick pleasures!  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: This story takes place in Season 4; however Wild at Heart never happened. So Oz didn't leave and he and Willow are still together. I have taken major liberties with this story so it doesn't really follow the plot line of the actual season. I guess it is AU in a way. Oh, and the title has nothing to do with the story.  
  
FEEDBACK: Any and all is appreciated!  
  
* * *  
  
Willow heard him sigh as she got out of the bed. She turned towards him and saw him rubbing the sleep from his eyes.  
  
"Where are you going?" He asked his voice thick with sleep.  
  
"The shower, to do the showering thing."  
  
"Oh yeah?" He raised an eyebrow, "D'ya need any help?"  
  
She laughed slightly and bent down to give him a kiss. "I don't need help, but you're going to be late for class. Sharing a shower would save much time. What do you think?"  
  
"Sounds like a plan." He said a little huskily.  
  
* * *  
  
Willow was smiling dreamily when Buffy joined her and Xander at the table at lunch.  
  
"Hey guys." She sat down shooting Xander a quizzical look.  
  
"What?" He asked indignant. "Just cause I'm non-college guy I shouldn't be in here? Is that what you think?"  
  
"Um, no. I was wondering what was up with Willow and the far off dreamy look. You know I like that you come here. To eat for free."  
  
Xander grinned "Well, okay then. She was like that when I got here."  
  
"Oh hey Buffy. When did you get here?" Willow asked, seeing her best friend for the first time.  
  
Buffy laughed "What happy pills you been taking today Will?"  
  
Willow blushed slightly, "No pills. Don't need them."  
  
"Oooh! Is this Oz induced happiness then? Spill!"  
  
Willow shook her head no. "It's private."  
  
"Oh come on! You tell me everything about what you two get up to!"  
  
Willow glanced at Xander, "Yeah, but not infront of other people."  
  
"Hey!" Xander cried "I am not 'other people'! I don't mind hearing whatever you got to say."  
  
"I'd rather not." Willow shook her head again.  
  
"Whisper it to me then." Buffy suggested.  
  
Willow leaned close and whispered into Buffy's ear.  
  
"What?" The slayer asked "I didn't catch it. Say it again."  
  
Willow leaned forward again, cupping her mouth with her hand.  
  
"I still can't hear Will."  
  
"The shower! We did it in the shower!" Willow said her voice raised with impatience.  
  
Both Buffy and Xander's mouths dropped open. Xander stared at her bug-eyed while Buffy grinned. Willow threw her hand over her mouth and turned a delicate shade of red.  
  
"Oh God" She whimpered in humiliation.  
  
"Hey guys, what did I miss?" Oz's voice came to them as he sat down.  
  
Willow squeaked behind her hand. Buffy laughed and Xander sat there unable to close his mouth.  
  
"The.the.the.shower?" Xander had found his voice.  
  
Oz raised both eyebrows and turned towards his girlfriend who now had her face buried in her both her hands. He turned to Buffy, who was cying from laughter. He smiled at her, a little amused and a whole lot embarrassed. He could feel Xander's eyes burning into him so he finally looked at him.  
  
"Wow. What was it like?" Xander asked.  
  
* * * *  
  
A/N: Plot will follow in the next chapters, promise! Will be a little angsty! 


	2. Chapter Two

It's Always the Pain That Knocks You - Chapter 2  
  
* * *  
  
Willow felt like hugging herself with joy as she walked to her Wicca Group meeting. Although the incident at lunchtime was still haunting her slightly, she didn't want to forget what had happened that morning. Being with Oz always filled her with a warmth that she couldn't explain but in the shower it had just been, well, mind blowing. She still couldn't really comprehend how far she had come from the little girl in high school who would blush at even the hint of something sexual. She cursed herself again for having to attend the meeting. She didn't even enjoy it. The girls who ran it didn't even seem to know anything about Wicca or magic. But she had made a commitment, and that meant she had to go. Some things didn't change from high school, she still wasn't one to back out of a commitment.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
*  
  
"So, Mary-Anne came up with a great idea on how to get more people interested in Wicca. Why don't you tell us Mary-Anne?" Stacey, the Wicca group leader was saying.  
  
"Well," Began Mary-Anne, seeming very excited. "Flyers just don't work. I mean, how many flyers are we handed daily?"  
  
Mary-Anne was looking at Willow, "Well?"  
  
"Oh. You want an answer? I thought it was rhetorical. Um.a lot?"  
  
Mary-Anne shook her head, "Yeah. But how many would you say. On average."  
  
"Ten?"  
  
"Right, and how many do we actually look at before we shove them in the bin?"  
  
Willow sighed with relief when she realised Mary-Anne wasn't expecting an answer from her. She noticed that she was now looking at the blonde girl sitting crossed leg on the floor.  
  
"I d-d-d-don't know. I a-always l-l-look at them."  
  
Willow smiled, she always looked at them too.  
  
"Oh you d-d-d-d-do do you? Hmmm." Mary-Anne turned towards another girl in the group as the blonde girl bent her head down towards the floor. But Willow had seen the hurt in her eyes and the shame on her face.  
  
Outraged she stood up. "Who do you think you are?" She demanded.  
  
"Excuse me?" Mary-Anne asked, looking at Willow like she had grown an extra head.  
  
"You can't talk to people like that. You can't make fun of her because she stutters. You should be grateful that she bothered to attend this meeting. You don't have any right to demand answers from any of us, just because you set up this group doesn't mean you have any control over us! And this meeting, where the hell does the Wicca part fit in? Do you people even know what Wicca is?"  
  
Willow turned towards the blonde girl who was looking at her with awe, 2Do you want to get out of here?" She placed her hand out towards the girl.  
  
The girl nodded and stood gently taking Willows hand in her own.  
  
"Bye."  
  
* * * *  
  
Once they were out in the fresh air Willow felt like she could breathe again.  
  
"You were amazing in there."  
  
She looked at the blonde girl and smiled, "Thanks. I just got pissed off. That was really mean what she did. Are you ok?"  
  
"I'm f-f-fine. Thanks to you."  
  
Willow grinned "I'm Willow."  
  
"I k-k-know. I'm Tara."  
  
"Well, since we have no meeting now, do you want to go somewhere and grab a coffee? We can talk, get to know each other a little better."  
  
Tara ducked her head as she nodded "I'd like t-t-that"  
  
It wasn't until the started to walk that Willow realised they were still holding hands. 


	3. Chapter Three

It's Always the Pain That Knocks You - Chapter Three  
  
Tara was watching Willow as she sipped on her latte. She couldn't believe how much fun she was having. Tara had always found it hard to make friends. She was incredibly shy and she just couldn't open up to people the way she knew that they wanted. Plus her damn stutter made talking difficult. It upset her that she couldn't get the words out the way she wanted. But here she was with a virtual stranger, talking and laughing and simply having a great time.  
  
There was something about Willow. She seemed special. Tara didn't know what it was but she felt a connection with her that she had never felt before. Something beyond friendship, more spiritual than that.  
  
"So, you're pretty much a fully-fledged witch then?" Willow was asking.  
  
"I wouldn't g-go that far," Tara laughed. "My mum, she knew magic. I guess I got some of her talent."  
  
"I feel like magic is what I was made for. Not in a hocus pocus kind of way. I just have this infinity for it I guess. Does that even make sense?"  
  
Tara nodded, "I can see it. You are powerful and you have the ability to become great."  
  
Willow beamed at her, which warmed Tara's heart. "I c-c-could h-help. If you w-w-want."  
  
"I'd love that! I don't want to freak you out cause, you know, I've only know you for like a minute but I think you're really cool. And I think we could be friends. Good friends. I feel, I don't know..." Willow trailed off embarrassed.  
  
"Like a c-c-c-connection? Like we just click?"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
There was that smile again and Tara couldn't help but smile back. Her heart thumped in her chest as Willow placed her hand over hers.  
  
"It feels kinda spiritual. Don't you think?"  
  
"The c-c-connection?"  
  
"Yes. Do you think we were both sent to those meetings by the powers that be to find each other?" Willow laughed. "I'm kidding, but I am glad I went to those meetings now."  
  
"Me too." Tara placed her other hand over Willows.  
  
"Oh my! Look at the time! I'm late! Oh Tara, I gotta go. Do you maybe want to meet up tomorrow?"  
  
"I'm free tonight." Tara felt quite daring as the words came out her mouth.  
  
"I have a date with my boyfriend tonight. But tomorrow? Say, three o'clock. Here?" Willow looked at her hopefully.  
  
"Sure." Tara nodded.  
  
"Okay cool. See ya later." On impulse Willow hugged Tara then ran down the street towards her dorm.  
  
Tara watched her go. She never realised how lonely she was until Willow was gone. She'd never really had friends but she thought she was okay like that. She thought she was supposed to be the solitary type. She smiled at the thought of seeing Willow tomorrow but there was a dull ache in heart caused by the thought of Willow having a boyfriend. Of course she had a boyfriend. She was beautiful, smart, funny, and sweet. Tara sighed softly and finished her latte.  
  
* * *  
  
Willow rushed into her dorm room and straight into Oz causing them both to fall to the floor.  
  
"Hey." Oz said, standing up and pulling Willow with him. "Where were you? Buffy and I were just about to head out looking for you."  
  
"I'm sorry, I.."  
  
"Willow!" The Slayer rushed towards her and hugging her, "Don't ever do that again! We were worried sick! Next time you call if you're going to be late!"  
  
"Yes mother." Willow laughed. "I'm sorry. I met someone and we got to talking and I lost track of time."  
  
"Met someone?" Oz asked  
  
"Who? Where?" Buffy asked  
  
Willow smiled and told them the story of the Wicca meeting, how she and Tara had this connection that she couldn't explain, and that they were meeting again tomorrow.  
  
"Wow. Oz looks like you have competition!" Buffy grinned "You should bring her out to the Bronze tomorrow night." Oz suggested. "She can meet the Scoobs."  
  
"Yeah!" Willow grinned at him. "Oh, I wonder if she knows about the Hellmouth and stuff. Can I tell her if she doesn't?"  
  
Buffy frowned, "I don't know Will.."  
  
"I think you should," Oz stated. "If she's a friend of yours Will, then she's a friend of ours. Plus you know, having another magically trained person can't harm our defence."  
  
"I never thought about that! Oh, that's so cool! So you guys can all meet her tomorrow. You'll love her I promise! I'm just going to get changed. Be back in a second guys!"  
  
Willow skipped out the room, Oz watched smiling fondly.  
  
"Happy Willow." Buffy said frowning slightly.  
  
"Gotta love it. What's up?"  
  
"We live on the Hellmouth Oz. I've learnt not to trust things on first appearance. This Tara could be a demon or monster or....she could be stealing my best friend. Either way I want to be sure she can be trusted."  
  
Oz smiled at her, "Willow is yours you know? No Tara in the world can replace you."  
  
"But you heard her, 'We have a connection' Connection this connection that. I'm just a jealous bitch and I know this but.."  
  
"Well, if it turns out Tara is demon least you have the satisfaction of slaying her."  
  
"That I do." Buffy grinned.  
  
A/N: I know that the chapters are quite short and not much happens in them but I find it easier to write in blocks like this. If there are any questions or suggestions then feel free to leave them!! 


	4. Chapter Four

It's Always the Pain That Knocks You - Chapter 4  
  
* * *  
  
Willow glanced round the frat party, although she was having a pretty good time all she really wanted was some snuggle time with Oz. Private snuggle time. But Oz had promised Devon that he'd make an appearance and now he jamming with the Dingoes. She smiled to herself; she was dating a guy in a band! And he played the guitar! What is it about a guitar that makes guys that just bit sexier? She grinned as he looked in her direction, shooting her an apologetic smile.  
  
"Whoa!" Xander exclaimed as he landed beside her forcefully. "I got drinks!"  
  
"Of the non-alcoholic variety I hope."  
  
"Of course, nothing but the best for my ladies. Speaking of, where is my other lady?"  
  
"Oh she's grinding with some dude, over there" Willow pointed in the general direction of the dance floor.  
  
Xander looked over to see Buffy, happily dancing with a couple of guys. Xander grunted in general disproving. "So tell me more about your new friend. Is she single?"  
  
Willow narrowed her eyebrows at him, "I don't know. I doubt it. She's really pretty. But if she is you are not to try and chat her up or anything okay? Be nice, normal, un-chat upy Xander okay?"  
  
Xander saluted, "Yes mam!"  
  
Buffy came back over then, "Well I've had my fun for tonight. Time for patrol. Who's coming with?" She took the soda can Xander offered and drank from it greedily.  
  
"Not me. I'm on a date." Willow smiled.  
  
"Me and you then Buffster?" Xander held his hand out in a hi-five.  
  
"You got it Xan!" Buffy hi-fived him and they headed out. Xander shaking his hand slightly in pain.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Willow giggled as Oz lightly tickled her stomach. "You weren't too bored tonight were you?" He asked.  
  
"No, I had fun. I like being with you, even if you're not beside me with me, you know?"  
  
Oz kissed her nose. "I know. I feel the same"  
  
Willow wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him closer to her. "I like your room" she whispered in his ear causing him to shiver.  
  
"You do?"  
  
"Yep. Its clean, warm, no roommates.."  
  
"Definitely a bonus." Oz remarked, his hand trailing up her abdomen, finally reaching the curve of her breasts.  
  
"Mmmm" Willow mumbled as she kissed his neck.  
  
She hissed in pleasure as his hands did things to her that she couldn't explain, and brought her mouth to his. He growled low in his throat and kissed her back with passion and hunger.  
  
* * *  
  
*  
  
A/N: This chapter is just for the purpose of having some W/O togetherness!! I'm a W/O shipper and need to include a wee bit into my stories..so if this chapter seems pretty pointless, well, that's coz it is! 


	5. Chapter Five

It's Always the Pain That Knocks You - Chapter 5  
  
Willow grinned when she saw Tara waiting at the coffee bar. "Hey!" She called.  
  
"W-W-Willow, hi!" Tara smiled shyly.  
  
"How are you? What did you do last night? What do you want to do today?" Willow didn't know why but when she saw Tara she was filled with excitement. The butterflies-in-your-stomach kind.  
  
"I'm good. N-n-nothing much and w-w-whatever y-y-you want to do."  
  
"Oh. Okay. You know what I think would be neat? If we did some spells or something. You know, cause, of the connection and all. I bet we'd be a lot more powerful together! What do you think?"  
  
Tara nodded her head enthusiastically "I have a spell that we could t-t- try. I c-c-can't do it on my own. We could go to my p-p-place?"  
  
Willow's eyes lit up, "Yeah, definitely. What's the spell?"  
  
"It's nothing b-b-big. It's like a memory spell, kind of."  
  
"Sounds cool!"  
  
They headed towards Tara's dorm. Tara kept sneaking glances at Willow. She looked incredibly cute today in a bright multi-coloured long-sleeved top and dark jeans.  
  
"Do you think it's too bright? It makes me look like a birthday cake right?" Willow asked suddenly.  
  
"Sorry?"  
  
"My top? I noticed you looking at it. You don't have to worry about offending me."  
  
"Oh no. I like it! It's unique and cool. Very Willowy." Tara blushed.  
  
"Oh, wow. Thanks Tara, that's so sweet." Willow grabbed her hand a gave it a gentle squeeze.  
  
Tara blushed even more, but she couldn't stop smiling.  
  
* * *  
  
The room was all set up. Tall, fat, white candles created a circle, in which the two young Wicca's sat cross-legged facing each other. They joined hands and began to chant. As their words were spoken a green light surrounded them, dancing around in the rhythm of the chant.  
  
"Whoa, intense!" Willow exclaimed, wiping the small bead of perspiration on her brow.  
  
"Yeah" Tara agreed, lying back on the floor to catch her breath. "What did you see?"  
  
"A combination of things. All things that are important to me, my family, my friends, Oz. It was like a montage of happy moments. What did you see?"  
  
"The same, you know, m-my mum, my old h-h-home, you. Happy moments."  
  
"Me?" Willow looked at her questioningly.  
  
Tara sat up smiling sadly. "This is g-g-gonna sound really sad, but you're the b-b-best friend I've ever had. To be honest, you're the only friend I've had. These couple of days have been the b-b-best I've had."  
  
"Oh." Willow didn't know what to say.  
  
"Are you freaked? Because I know we hardly know each other, but I just feel like..."  
  
"That you've known me forever?"  
  
"Right."  
  
"I'm not freaked. I'm actually feeing kinda honoured, you know? Like I'm special."  
  
"You are special Willow. You're special to me."  
  
Tara reached up and caressed Willows cheek with her finger tips. "You're smart and funny. You're kind and sweet. You're beautiful.." She leaned in and softly pressed her lips to Willows.  
  
She pulled back and looked into Willows eyes. She could easily read the surprise and shock in the awesome greenness of those eyes but she wasn't expecting to see the acceptance and love in them.  
  
"Willow?"  
  
Willows mouth opened to speak, but no words came out. She shut it and opened it again.  
  
"Um..do you want to come to the Bronze tonight?"  
  
"Aren't we gonna t-t-talk about what just..."  
  
"Everyone wants to meet you. You can meet my friends. You'll love them, I swear! And they'll love you too. It'll be a blast."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Right, cool. I'll come by at eight and we can head there together. I'll see you then okay?"  
  
"Willow, I'm sorry."  
  
"Eight okay?" Willow walked out the door.  
  
Tara flumped back down. What did she think she was doing? Coming on to Willow like that? Willow was being so nice to her, nicer than anyone had ever been and here she was ruining it by kissing her. She groaned and covered her eyes with her arm. Tonight was not going to be fun. There would be awkwardness between her and Willow and she hated meeting new people. She was too shy and people got irritated with her for not speaking up. What if Willow told her friends what had happened? They'd all hate her! And what about her boyfriend? Oh God.. 


	6. Chapter Six

It's Always the Pain That Knocks You - Chapter 6  
  
Tara checked her reflection and smoothed her hair for the hundredth time. She was extremely nervous. Not just because she was going to meet a bunch of new people but because she had no idea how Willow was feeling. Or how badly she had screwed things up with the only person -besides her mum- that she had a real connection with.  
  
Tara could have sworn she had seen something in Willows eyes when she had kissed her. It was deeper than just plain shock; at the time Tara had thought it had been love. Now that she had time to think things through, she had gone over what had happened a million times; she came to the conclusion that it must have been her imagination. Wishful thinking. She sighed at her reflection and smoothed her hair -again.  
  
* *  
  
*  
  
"Okay sweetie, see you there." She said.  
  
Willow hung up the phone. She stared at the receiver and bit her lip. She had been so distant and not herself on the phone that Oz had asked her at least six times if anything was wrong. When she had told him she was tired he had suggested cancelling the trip to the Bronze. She had seriously thought about saying yes, it would mean she wouldn't have to face anyone. Tara especially.  
  
Why had Tara kissed her? It hadn't been much of a shock to Willow that Tara felt close to her. The kind of connection they had was hard to come by and seemed so natural. It didn't even bother Willow that Tara liked her in more-than-friendly way. What bothered her was her own attraction to Tara.  
  
She had never been interested in girls before. But sometimes she'd find herself noticing how blue Tara's eyes were. Or how adorable she was when she blushed. And when they touched, even accidentally it sent shivers up her spine. She figured it was part of their spiritual, magical connection. She couldn't really be falling for her could she? She knew the answer though and it scared her.  
  
She was in love with Oz. She loved him. More than anything. She'd die for him -gladly. How could she be having feelings for anyone else? What was she going to do?  
  
She could just stop seeing Tara. But, Tara was part of her life now, she couldn't just dismiss her. They were strong together, magically and spiritually. It would hurt her to not have Tara in her life anymore, it would crush Tara too. The only thing to do was to ignore it. If you pretend it's not real, then its not real. A philosophy that most Sunnydalers are familiar with.  
  
The only problem was she couldn't get that kiss out of her mind. 


	7. Chapter seven

It's Always the Pain That Knocks You - Chapter 7  
  
* * *  
  
The walk to the Bronze was a lot nicer than either one of them had anticipated. Neither of them spoke of the kiss, why it had happened or what it meant. Tara stopped Willow at the entrance of the club.  
  
"I'm nervous." She told the red-head.  
  
"You really don't have to be. They'll like you, I know it." Willow nodded encouragement at her.  
  
"Did you tell them...about what happened earlier?"  
  
Willow looked down at the ground "No."  
  
"Okay. I just needed to know." Tara smiled at Willow before continuing, "You know, we are going to have to talk about that one day."  
  
Willow looked her in the eyes "I know. But not tonight."  
  
"I know." Tara said nodding.  
  
* * *  
  
"I can't believe you've never been here before!" Willow spoke as they made their way through the throng of people.  
  
"I never had anyone to come with." Tara told her  
  
"Oh! There's Buffy. Hey Buffy!" Willow waved.  
  
Buffy made her way towards them. Tara noticed how easily and elegantly she moved through the crowd. There was something special about her, her aura was a glistening gold that she'd never seen before.  
  
"Hey Will" Buffy said giving her a hug.  
  
"Buffy meet Tara. Tara this is my best friend Buffy."  
  
"Hi" Buffy said grinning.  
  
"Hi" Tara nervously said, avoiding her gaze.  
  
"Xander's got us a table, Oz is getting drinks. What do you guys want? I'll go tell him." Buffy suggested.  
  
"Coke foe me. Tara?" Willow asked.  
  
"I'll j-j-just have c-c-coke too." Tara smiledshyly.  
  
"Cool. Table's that-a-way" Buffy pointed to her left.  
  
* * * *  
  
Buffy made her way over to Oz who was standing patiently waiting at the bar.  
  
"Hey" he said as she stood beside him.  
  
"Willow's here." Buffy told him, he glanced in the direction of the table.  
  
"Did you meet Tara?"  
  
"Yep. She seems nice and un-hellmouthy. They want drinks. Coke to be precise."  
  
Okay cool, I'll bring them over."  
  
* * *  
  
Meanwhile, Tara was being introduced to Xander.  
  
"Hi, how you doing?" He said sticking his hand out.  
  
"Good t-t-thanks." Tara answered shaking his hand timidly.  
  
Xander noticed Willow looking at him, "What? I wasn't chatting her up!"  
  
Willow laughed, "It was just weird seeing you be so polite."  
  
"Hey!" Xander cried offended.  
  
"What's the goss?" Buffy said as she sat down next to Xander.  
  
"Apparently Willow thinks I have no manners or something." Xander told her.  
  
"That's cause you *don't* Xand." Buffy grinned at him.  
  
"I'm so offended right now it's unbelievable."  
  
"Hey." A new voice spoke from behind Xander. "Got drinks."  
  
Oz set the tray down in the middle of the table, "Hey baby." He went to Willow's side and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.  
  
"Oz!" Willow grinned at him "Hi!"  
  
Oz was looking at her, he raised his eyebrow questionably. Willow frowned as she tried to work out what was wrong.  
  
"Oh right! Geez, I'm sorry! Tara this is my boyfriend Oz. Oz this is Tara."  
  
"Hey." Oz said casually, a small smile playing on his features.  
  
"Hi." Tara spoke, raising her hand in a little wave.  
  
* * *  
  
A/N: Okay, I just needed to get the introductions out of the way so I could concentrate on the bigger issues in the next chapters. That's why, with the shortness and all the dialogue. Also, if Tara seems a little ooc it's because I don't really know how she acts. I kinda stopped watching the show when Oz left the first time, and I've only seen her in the episode where Oz comes back and the one's where Faith also returned. Any questions, suggestions etc are gladly appreciated. 


	8. Chapter Eight

It's Always the Pain That Knocks You - Chapter 8  
  
* * *  
  
Willow glanced at Tara; she seemed to be having a great time. They had all hit it off pretty well. There had been a little awkwardness at the start of the evening. No one knew what to say and Tara was just so shy! Now though, everyone was chatting away and laughing.  
  
She felt Oz take her hand under the table. She squeezed it slightly and turned to look at him. He leaned towards her and pressed his lips to hers. She smiled into the kiss, his tongue coaxed her lips open and then she was sighing when she felt the tip of his tongue touch hers.  
  
"Oh come on guys, get a room!" Xander called to them.  
  
Willow broke the kiss off regretfully and looked at her friends bashfully. She saw the look of pain in Tara's eyes before the blonde had cast her eyes to the floor. She opened her mouth, ready to apologise but she caught herself. How would that sound to her friends? Apologising for kissing her boyfriend? She was allowed to kiss him! Then, why did she feel so guilty? Tara knew she had a boyfriend, why the hell did she have to confuse everything by kissing her? If Tara had never kissed her she wouldn't being feeling guilty, or confused. She's just be enjoying a great night with the most special people in her life.  
  
"I t-t-think I'm going to g-g-go" Tara said standing up. "It was nice m-m- meeting you all. I'll see you a-a-all a-a-again somet-t-time."  
  
"Wait!" Buffy cried, "Um, you probably shouldn't walk on your own. Um, Oz'll drive you. Right Oz?"  
  
"Sure." Oz nodded.  
  
"Oh no it's fine, r-r-really."  
  
"It's dangerous this time of night." Xander told her "Especially in Sunnydale."  
  
"Yeah," Willow agreed, "Oz will drive you home. I'll come with. There's something I should probably tell you anyway."  
  
Tara looked around at the group of people. They hardly knew her and they were making sure she got home safely. It was nice, but she wasn't sure she could stand being close to Willow and Oz. When she had saw them kissing, it had almost broke her heart. She had wanted to tear them apart.  
  
"Okay, thanks." She sighed inwardly.  
  
They all said their goodbyes and Tara followed Oz and Willow to Oz's van. Oz held the door open for her and she climbed in noticing all the odd little objects that decorated the van. It was nice, unique, odd. She knew little of Oz but the van seemed to fit his personality. She had to smile at that. She felt Willow slide in next to her and jumped when their legs touched.  
  
* * *  
  
"So everything I've ever been told was not true, is actually true?" Tara asked.  
  
"Pretty much." Oz replied.  
  
"Wow" Tara breathed.  
  
"I know it's a lot..." Willow began  
  
"Vampires?" Tara cut her off.  
  
"Yeah" Willow told her  
  
"Demons?"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"Werewolves?"  
  
"I can vouch for that" Oz smiled  
  
"You're..?" Tara's eyes were wide.  
  
"3 nights a month I turn into Jerry Garcia."  
  
"Oh wow" Tara looked nervous "The other 28 days I'm pretty harmless."  
  
Tara nodded, "Leprechauns?"  
  
"Um..I'm not sure..." Willow smiled. "And Buffy is the Slayer?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"I thought there was something about her."  
  
"What do you mean?" Willow asked.  
  
"Her aura was, is, a-a-amazing. It's so bright and it p-p-powerful. It's this gold that I've never seen before; I knew there was something special about her."  
  
"You see auras? Cool" Oz stated.  
  
"Are you okay with all this?" Willow was concerned.  
  
"Yeah, I mean, yeah. It's weird b-b-but I'm g-g-glad I know. Explains a lot."  
  
Oz smiled, "That's what I said when I found out."  
  
Tara looked at him, although Oz was basically her rival for Willow's love, she liked him. His quiet nature and calmness was good to be around. She like him, and had she not been gay she was sure she'd have a crush on him.  
  
"Do you want to get together tomorrow?" Willow asked her. "Try some spells?"  
  
Tara could see in her eyes that it wasn't the spells that she was interested in. It looked as if Willow had decided to do something about what was going on between them.  
  
"Yes." Tara nodded as she stepped out of the van, "Just c-c-come by whenever."  
  
"See you tomorrow then, bye" Willow smile at her.  
  
"Bye Tara" Oz said as he started the engine.  
  
"Bye"  
  
She watched the van as it drove up the street. She was worried about what tomorrow would bring. Willow obviously loved Oz, and it was clear to see that Oz was mad about her. There was no way Willow would throw that away for her, Tara wasn't even sure she wanted her to. All she knew was that she wanted to be part of Willow's life, even if it wasn't the part that her heart longed for. 


	9. Chapter Nine

It's Always the Pain That Knocks You - Chapter 9  
  
Tara smiled nervously as she opened the door to Willow. "Hi, come in."  
  
Willow smiled back and stepped into the room. She was wearing a pair of denim dungarees with a white t-shirt underneath and the shirt Oz had been wearing yesterday over them. Tara's heart twisted slightly at the realisation that Willow had spent the night with Oz, and that she'd probably just came from his.  
  
"Okay, I'm just gonna say this cause if I don't I probably never will. And it needs to be said. I like you Tara, and it's weird for me, cause I've never liked girls before. Well, I mean, of course I've *liked* girls, I mean I like Buffy, she's a girl, but you know, I've never liked girls in that way before. But I like you, in that way, but I can't like you in that way. I mean, I shouldn't like you in that way, and I think you like me in that way too, which would be cool, but I'm with someone. Oz. I'm with Oz. And I can't be with you, not that I don't want to..I'm rambling aren't I?" Willow let out a breath.  
  
Tara nodded at Willow smiling slightly.  
  
"Are you going to say something?" Willow asked.  
  
"I do too Willow, like you, in *that* way." Tara moved towards Willow.  
  
"I love Oz." Willow said regretfully.  
  
"I know. I'm sorry I kissed you, it made things c-c-complicated."  
  
"I'm sorry that I can't give you what you want."  
  
Tara smiled ruefully, "I'm sorry that all I want to do right now is kiss you."  
  
"I'm sorry that I wouldn't stop you if I did."  
  
Tara took a breath and leaned in closer, "I don't want to be the cause of any heartache Willow."  
  
"My hearts already aching Tara. It aches cause it wants you, because it knows it's wrong but can't help it. Because I just want you to kiss me."  
  
Tara closed her eyes and kissed Willow. Sweet yet hot, gentle yet bruising, tender yet passionate. The logical part of her mind told her to stop now. This could cause nothing but trouble, but it was outweighed by the yearning of her heart. Her need, want and love for Willow was too strong that there was no way that she could pull away from this embrace. She placed her hands on Willows face and deepened the kiss, surrendering herself to the fates. 


	10. Chapter Ten

It's Always the Pain That Knocks You - Chapter 10  
  
* * *  
  
Willow dumped her books on the desk and sat on the bed feeling like she wanted to sleep until December. The answering machine was flashing; she stretched over and hit the play button. She sat up like she'd been hit when she heard the voice speaking to her.  
  
"Hey Will, it's me. Haven't seen you in a couple of days, missing you. Give me a call okay? Love you." Oz had left the message.  
  
Willow stared at the machine, she felt like she was going to be sick. Hearing his sweet, lovely voice caused reality to hit her. She had been blocking it out, doing the selective memory thing. When she was with Tara she pretended Oz didn't exist. It meant no-one was getting hurt, nothing to feel guilty about.  
  
Oh God, what was she doing? Why was she doing this to him? How could she do this to him? Tears welled up in her eyes. She loved Oz, loved him so much it hurt sometimes. It would break his heart if he found out about Tara. It would break her heart if he broke up with her. It had to end. She couldn't do it anymore.  
  
She picked up the receiver and dialled Oz's number from memory.  
  
"Yeah?" The typical Oz greeting  
  
"Hi" Willow spoke  
  
"Hey. I thought you'd died."  
  
"Nope, I'm alive and kicking"  
  
"Gladness."  
  
"What are you up to tonight?" She asked, nervously twirling the phone cord between her fingers.  
  
"I'm planless. You want to get together?"  
  
"Yeah, I missed you too."  
  
"I love you."  
  
Willow bit her lip to stop the tears that were threatening to fall "I'll come over to yours at eightish okay?"  
  
"Eightish is good."  
  
"I'll bring pizza!"  
  
Oz chuckled on the other end, "You are the greatest."  
  
"Ok, I'll see you tonight."  
  
"Will do. Love you."  
  
"Love you."  
  
Willow hung up the phone, and let the tears come. She couldn't believe what she had done, how selfish she had been. She'd kissed Tara, told her that she cared for her, which wasn't untrue, but it was what was behind those words that was the problem. She'd given Tara hope for them, a hope for a future together. It was wrong, unfair and selfish because she knew it was Oz that she wanted. Needed. Loved. Now she had to be unselfish and let Tara know. It would hurt, both of them, but it was the best thing in the long run. It was the kindest thing, and Tara deserved more than what Willow was doing to her.  
  
* * *  
  
Willow knocked on the door, three fast raps. When the door wasn't opened, she knocked again. She pounded continuously until the Tara peered cautiously out of the door.  
  
"Hi!" She looked at Willow asking with her eyes what was going on.  
  
"What took you so long?" Willow all but cried  
  
"I was getting these." Tara held up a stake and a bottle of holy water, "To protect myself."  
  
Willow nodded, taking a deep breath, she said "We need to talk."  
  
Tara sat down on her bed "Okay."  
  
Willow decided to stand. "I'm sorry Tara. I'm so sorry. I'm such a bad bad person. I'm sorry for, I guess, leading you on. For acting like...like..I loved you. No wait, I *do* love you, but not.."  
  
"The way you love Oz?" Tara suggested.  
  
"Right," Willow continued "I need to be with him. Only him. It's not fair to him, I can't cheat on him like this. He doesn't deserve it."  
  
"What about me? What about what I deserve?" Tara asked, not angry just sad.  
  
"You deserve the world. I can't give you what you want. What you need. I'm not the one for you, you know? You are so special to me Tara" She was crying now.  
  
"I know Willow. I've been dumb about the whole thing. I just have all these feelings for you, and I felt like, if I got them back even a tiny bit I'd be h-h-happy. But I'm not. I want all of you, and t-t-that's something I'll just n-n-never have. I don't like it, but I understand."  
  
"Tara...I'm so sorry."  
  
"Shh." Tara walked over to her.  
  
"Can we...will we..this is it, you know, I can't see you anymore."  
  
"I know. It hurts but, I think one day I'll look back on this with a smile. I don't want to lose you but sometimes you h-h-have to let go. You'll always be my first l-l-love."  
  
"I love you." Willow whispered.  
  
"I love you Willow." Tara hugged her, tightly.  
  
Willow hugged back, burying her face in the long blonde hair she had come to adore. She pulled back suddenly and smiled at her. Tara leaned in and gave her a sweet, mournful kiss on the mouth. Willow walked towards the door, and with one last look she left. 


	11. Chapter Eleven

It's Always the Pain That Knocks You - Chapter 11  
  
* * *  
  
Willow looked at reflection one more time. She didn't look any different on the outside, the same mouth, eyes and the same zit that she couldn't seem to get rid of. How can someone not look any different on the outside when they've been changed forever on the inside?  
  
She couldn't wait to see Oz. It felt like she hadn't seen him in weeks, she missed him. His smile, his calmness, and the green of his eyes, the wit and the warm he radiated. She truly did love him. She could never explain why what happened had happened, but now she knew that it was Oz she wanted. Forever.  
  
A part of her was fearful too, would he know? He was so perceptive sometimes that Willow thought he might be psychic. She figured that the only way not to hurt him was to not tell him. She gave herself a hopeful smile before she left the room and headed for Oz's.  
  
* *  
  
*  
  
Oz's arms were around her the moment he saw her. Willow pulled away, placing the pizza box on the bed. "It was getting in the way." She explained.  
  
She wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly. She buried her head in his shoulder, breathing him in. But as quickly as the hug had started she pulled away.  
  
"So pizza?" She asked.  
  
Oz smiled, he leaned forward to kiss her but she dodged it. Opening the pizza box, she sat on his bed. He placed a video in the VCR and sat down beside her, she had placed the box between them. There was no closeness at all.  
  
Once the film had finished, Willow stood up and started to get her stuff together.  
  
"You're not staying?" Oz asked.  
  
"No. I..not tonight." Willow answered.  
  
"What's going on? Why you pushing me away?"  
  
"I'm not pushing you away! I just have, you know, things to do."  
  
"You've been pushing me away all night. You hugged me for a nano-second and now..."  
  
"Oz.."  
  
"You can tell me."  
  
Willow bit her lip, if she told him it would kill him. It would kill her if it killed him. But she couldn't not tell him.  
  
"I kissed Tara."  
  
Oz's eyebrows shot up, "Once?"  
  
"A little more than once." Willow replied, avoiding his gaze.  
  
"Oh."  
  
Willow finally looked at him. "Oz?"  
  
"That's why I haven't seen you all week? You were with her?"  
  
Willow didn't answer, she didn't have to.  
  
"Do you love her?" When she didn't answer, he grabbed her arm. "Tell me; are you in love with her?"  
  
Willow was amazed at the venom in his voice, the pain and anger in his features. She couldn't look in his eyes for the fear what she'd see there.  
  
"I love you." She told him, crying.  
  
"Why Willow? Why am I not enough for you? What don't I give you? What do you need?" He yelled.  
  
"Oz, I need you! You are enough; you've always been enough. I made a mistake.."  
  
Oz grunted, "Xander was a mistake, and you know I can understand what happened there. I accept it. You don't make the same mistake twice Willow. There's obvious something missing if you're looking for other people to..."  
  
"No! Oz, it just happened okay? It was because of the magic, you know, the connection. It wasn't..I didn't..."  
  
"You never answered my question." Oz said quietly "Do you love her."  
  
Willow looked at him, "Yes."  
  
She watched his heart break; it was playing on his face like a movie. She felt a part of her die as she watched. Something was gone, and no matter what happened, she'd never get it back.  
  
"Oh my God." He exhaled.  
  
"Oz, please? It's not the same. I don't love her the way I love you. I'm in love with *you* Oz. Only you, always you. You have to understand."  
  
"I understand. You love her, but you love me a little but more?"  
  
The wounding sarcasm in his voice brought her to her knees. She covered her face with her hands and cried. She felt him kneel down beside her. Felt his arms go around her. She grabbed him, pressing her face into his chest, sobbing uncontrollably. He buried his face in her hair and held onto her. 


	12. Chapter Twelve

It's Always the Pain That Knocks You - Chapter 12  
  
* * *  
  
WARNING: This chapter contains some sexual stuff, I'm rating this chapter R. It's nothing major, definitely not pornographic and not NC-17 rated. But a little racy. If this offends you or you are underage, please don't read.  
  
* * *  
  
Willow walked into Giles' and gasped when she spotted Oz sitting on the couch. He looked at her, the pain evident in his eyes. Yet he smiled at her and said "Hey."  
  
It had been three weeks since Willow had confessed to Oz about Tara. Three weeks that she had been without Oz. Three weeks of absolute misery and hell. And now here he was, acting like everything was okay. Her heart thumped in her chest at the sight of him. He looked good, his newly dyed blonde hair and the little bit of stubble surrounding his mouth. The instinct to kiss that mouth was overwhelming. She couldn't even speak, just nodded and sat down on the farthest away seat from him.  
  
"So," Giles began "This demon, ah.."  
  
Willow felt Oz's eyes on her; she looked at him but had to look away at the intensity in his eyes. Why was he looking at her like that? He smiled sadly at her before turning his attention back to Giles.  
  
"So, there's no need to patrol tonight Buffy." Giles concluded.  
  
"You couldn't tell us this over the phone?" Buffy exclaimed.  
  
"Yeah G-Man, I could be having quality time with Crash." Xander told him.  
  
"I'm sorry, I guess I just...ah, who in the world is Crash?"  
  
"Bandicoot. I've nearly completed the whole game."  
  
"Yes, very good Xander." Giles obviously didn't have a clue what Xander was talking about.  
  
"So guys, you want to Bronze it?" Buffy asked  
  
"Hell yeah!" Xander cried.  
  
"I'm up for it." Oz said.  
  
Willow didn't answer. Oz wouldn't want her there. But she wanted so badly to talk to him, if she could only explain, or say she was sorry..  
  
"Willow?" Buffy asked, her eyes pleading. Buffy knew how hard this was on Willow. She could hear her cry at night and it broke her heart to see her best friend in so much pain. She knew Oz would forgive Willow soon enough, he just needed time. Maybe time together would help.  
  
"I don't..I probably shouldn't.."  
  
"No you should come." Oz told her.  
  
Willow's mouth dropped open "But..."  
  
"We're still friends Willow." Oz said.  
  
Willow's heart broke again at his words. There was no hope, no chance of them having a relationship again. They were just friends.  
  
"Okay." She answered sadly.  
  
* * *  
  
The Bronze was hopping when they arrived. They snagged the love seat and they all sat down. Willow was determined to have a good time, but the pressure of Oz's thigh against hers was making it hard for her. She loved him too much. She told them she was going to the restroom.  
  
"Hey pretty lady, wanna dance?" A cute dark haired guy asked her.  
  
She looked back over at Oz, who was seemingly lost in conversation with Xander. He was so obviously over her, she'd have to get over him too. "Sure" She replied.  
  
"I'm Karl by the way." The guy told her  
  
"Willow." She smiled  
  
"Great name."  
  
The dance was nice; it took her mind off Oz. After they had danced to the first song, they danced to the next. Their movements were daringly sexual and when Karl leaned into kiss her neck she didn't stop him. And when his hands made their way down to her butt, she didn't even care.  
  
Suddenly she felt herself being dragged away. She looked to see Oz, his face angry. He took her outside. Once they were in the alley at the side of the Bronze he let her go.  
  
"What do you think you are doing?" She demanded. "You can't man-handle me like that!"  
  
"You were making a fool of yourself in there." Oz said, his mouth set in a fine line.  
  
"No. I was having fun! I'm allowed to have fun you know? I'm allowed to have fun with guys!" She was getting angry.  
  
Oz didn't say anything; he just looked at her, his expression unreadable.  
  
"You know what? I'm going back in there. To find Karl. And we'll dance, and kiss and you can't stop me."  
  
"Willow.."  
  
"And we'll grind together, and I'll get so hot that I'll need to come outside, and then I'll take him back to the dorm.."  
  
"Stop it." Oz clenched his jaw. Willow needed more, she needed a reaction. She had to know what he was thinking, what he was *feeling*  
  
"And you can't do anything because...you. Are. Not. My. Boyfriend." She poked him in the chest with each word.  
  
She didn't know who reached for whom first; all she knew was that his mouth was on hers. They were pawing at each other and kissing. Angry kissing. Their lips were mashed together and he had her arms pinned to her sides. Her back hit the wall, and still they kissed.  
  
The kiss turned gentle after a few moments. Oz let her arms go and Willow wound them round his neck, pushing herself closer to him Oz delved his hands into her hair, pulling her head back and deepening the kiss, his tongue insistent in her mouth. Willow felt as though she was drowning in all the emotions. She felt him trying to pull away, so she held on tight not wanting the kiss to end. She let out a breath when she felt him stop struggling.  
  
She jumped up, wrapping her legs around his waist. He pushed her back against the wall as she took his bottom lip in to his mouth and sucked on it. She felt him sigh, and started tugging on his belt.  
  
He pulled away from her kiss, "Willow" he breathed.  
  
"Oz, shh..I want you." Willow leaned in and started nibbling on his earlobe, knowing how sensitive they were.  
  
Oz shut his eyes, trying to gain some control, "Not here, not now."  
  
"Please Oz..I need you." Willow mumbled as she kissed his neck. She pressed her pelvis to his and grinned when he moaned.  
  
Oz leaned in and placed his forehead to hers, "I can't."  
  
Willow felt the air leave her lungs at his word, "You can't?"  
  
He un-wrapped her legs from around him, and gently made her stand again. He stroked her face with the back of his hand. "This can't be fixed with sex Willow. I can't get your hopes up like that. I don't know what's happening between us. I don't know how I feel."  
  
"Oz..don't you love me?" Willow's face crumbled.  
  
He looked at her, "My whole life, I've never loved anything else."  
  
He took her into his arms, cradling her head to his shoulder. He felt his own tears sting his eyes and he let them fall.  
  
Willow pulled back from his embrace, "If you just want to be friends then..I'll be friends. Coz I can't stand the thought of an Oz-less life. But we'll never be *real* friends Oz, coz I can't be around you without wanting to hold you and kiss you and love you and have you love me in the same way. And I know...I know I treated you so badly, and I'm so sorry, if I could do anything to take it back I would. What can I do Oz? Tell me and I'll do it."  
  
Oz wiped her tears from her eyes with his thumbs, he looked in her eyes and took a deep breath.  
  
"You're right," he spoke. "You're not my friend. I don't want you to be my friend. I just want you to be the girl I love, who loves me back." "That's do-able." Willow sniffed  
  
"It's going to take time Will. And it won't be the same..."  
  
"Oz, I know. I broke your heart, and destroyed your trust in me. I know it's gonna be slow and tough. And it'll be painful but I'm willing to go through it all if it means we're together. I love you. I need you."  
  
Oz nodded, "I love you Willow."  
  
They embraced again, both hopeful in the knowledge that they needed each other. Both certain that things would be alright. Wrapped in the warm of their love for the other they hugged and kissed in the alley beside the Bronze, unaware of their surroundings and of anyone else.  
  
* * *  
  
Buffy and Xander exchanged smiles as they saw the entwined couple. They'd become worried when neither of them had returned. Now it seemed as if there was nothing to worry about. Willow and Oz were together again. Everything was right with the world.  
  
* * *  
  
A/N: And there you have it folks!! When I started this piece it was in the idea of breaking Willow and Oz up and have them not re-unite. You see how well it worked??? Lol! The idea of them not being together breaks my heart (Joss - grrr!). If you guys want to say anything about this story then please do. I hope the ending doesn't suck too much!  
  
Oh and thanks for the feedback you guys have left so far. I truly appreciate it. xXx 


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